99 ramdomness

Silly Momma tagging people if they read hers… Here’s mine.

1. Started your own blog ( kinda)

2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity (to missions, that is),
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain (When I went to Honduras – I fell down it, too)
9. Held a praying mantis,
10. Sang a solo, 0 several times
11. Bungee jumped, (are YOU crazy)
12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea ( I was in the airplan – Tom was flying – it was scary)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch, (multiple times)
15. Adopted a child,
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train, (that sounds restful)
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked, (with Jenni…smile…)
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb,
26. Gone skinny dipping,

27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing ( but sounds fun)
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David – In Florence
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted – sketched
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain,( no, but it always look fun in the movies…)
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie,
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business,
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma,( anytime, a good way to lose some weight…just kidding…)
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check,
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy, (Mom gets rid of EVERYTHING)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job,
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car,
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (With work, I’ve met several politicians and musicians, including Keith Anderson and Carrie Underwood amongst others)
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one (I’m still not recovered)
94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

 

Grief is still fresh…

I know it was a year ago.
I know I should be a “big girl”.
I know… I know… I know…

I used to be a fan of horror films. Death scenes had no impact on me. Now, I can’t watch CSI because that character could have been someone’s son or daugher, I can’t read the news because that is another’s loved one. At times, I can’t even listen to music, because it gets too… too… raw. And I cry.

John laughs at me sometimes, when I hide my face, or ask if we can change it. We’ll try to watch movies I’ve wanted to see forever, and I think that I can, but only to be reduced to a puddle on John’s arm, hiding in his elbow or neck.

Since coming to love John, I can’t watch anything that results in the pain or injury or death of a partner. I bawled in P.S. I love you… because if losing my GG could be this hard, I would go fanflipping crazy if I ever lost John… I would lose it, just lose it. Which I think is a little bit of why I can’t hardly deal with not talking to him a billion times a day – it lets me know he’s ok…

I used to want to work in Adult Protective Services – now I know that I can’t. I’d b!tch slap the members of the family who couldn’t care for their elderly family members.

Anything triggers the grief, and the fresh tears. The other day, at the TPAC, A grandmother brought her little grandaughter with her. Awe, I thought. And then The little girl used the fold out binoculars. GGDaisie had those exact type – and I tried my d@mnedst to keep it all in.

I cry a lot at nights. I can’t help thinking of her. I have members of the NSU tennis team living above me – that reminds me. And it all brings back the all to realness of it all.

Believe it (or not) I even stopped planning our wedding for a short while. Didn’t talk about it, and I more than once snapped at someone because they asked about it. Because she won’t be there.
Random things trigger the grief.

I researched bipolarism, because for a while I thought I was. Turns out, grief can trigger outbreaks of bipolarism in type-A personalities, or at least can look like it in persons like me, so I guess I am a little bit. I’m moodier than ever, its hard to focus. I’m an emotional roller coaster.
My symptoms are a melting pot of almost bipolar, almost ADD, almost depressed. All of these almosts make me borderline. Almost. Its “just” grief… well, its been a year, and its not easier.

All last year, I put it out of my mind. Lately, I can’t seem to. Its like its just now hitting, all of the reality of death and its… horror. I’m not suicidal, I’m not doing anything else, promise. I’m smarter than that, or so says my almost BSW degree…

I distracted myself last year… why can’t I seem to now. You’d think with wedding, senior year, and apply to graduate school it should be easier – but its not………….

I guess the answer is time, I just wish it would get here already…

 

Tired…

Grilled Lemon Pepper Chicken.
Red Potatoes with a spiggle of sage, garlic, and seasoned salt.
Foccaccia Bread and Balsamic vinegar.
Sparkling Apple Cider.

All of that made for a GOOD dinner.

***

John and I are beginning our registry(s) next weekend. Bed, Bath, and Beyond, Target, and possibly Walmart. So, on top of the major stress of studies, wedding planning, and getting ready for mine and his parents FINALLY meeting, I’ve got to think, “hmm, how about that nest of ours?”
But, its not SO bad…ish. Appliances, dinnerware, flatware, bedding, towels, colors… OK, never mind, it IS stressful …

Kitchen = Black and Stainless Steel… giggles. That one was easy. Although I AM looking lustfully towards yonder pink mixer, it may or may not have my heart…

Bathroon = a possible winning Combination of French Blue and Sage… possible.

Bedroom, living room, dining room, table ware, and everything else, I have NO idea on these (and neither does John, if you were wondering)…

WEDDING! AH! its coming up soon, 225 days. We’ve got flowers, cake, and the mens’ wear to buy, and the minor incidentals (unity candle, etc).

But, I do believe that I just may have picked my flowers. All flowers, really… And yes, that Makes me VERY happy.
mainly focus on the BOTTOM left, We’re ordering Daisies again for the tables . And the bridesmaids will use hydrangea and shasta daisies, and mine will be the bouquet immediately under this larger image.

The over all theme for our latest thoughts for our AMAZING picnic-chic wedding is:

And the guys are wearing brown leather flipflops and their blue shirts will be tucked into their khaki slacks.

Its awesomely exciting…

 

more floral dilemas…

I flippin’ LOVE her . She is an amazing DIY bride, and she has GREAT ideas – and talents

Anyway, more flowers (this is probably the hardest thing yet!)

 

FLOWERS!

Second to the guest list, the flowers are kind of hard to decide – irgh, again!
I know we are having these:

(MASON jars, remember – lol)

Originally, I was wanting daisies in my bridal bouquet (1) and Bridesmaid’s (2) :

But now I’m not so sure – I LOVE Ranuculous, and I want the bouquets to be more delicate. I did a search, and found these:

Thoughts? are there any other ways of combining flowers?
I want, Want, WANT to use Daisies – they’re my favorite flower, and I am also wanting to use them in memorial to G’ma Daisie… Is there a way to combine Ranculous and Hydrangea with daisies? they wouldn’t have to be Gerbera (even though we are going to use those as decor…)

 

I never knew weddingness was this hard!

My wedding, thus far:
Invitations: CHECK! (they are beautiful! handmade paper with dried flowers, with vellum over, tied with ribbon)
A dress: CHECK! (its all beautiful and lace and I love it!)
A venue: CHECK! the dresser mansion
Bridesmaids dresses: Check!
Flowers: still to be decided, but you can definitely be counting on daisies, hydrangea, and mason jars!

I’m not stressed – although it has been hard trying to decide this darned guest list. We love too many people, and too many people love us.
I think we’re bordering on something I’d really rather NOT do: A Mostly-Adult wedding *sigh*… doesn’t that just REEK of boredom?
But, in a way, it does kids a favor – several kids never want to go to weddings, usually you have to bribe them, or threaten them… This is What Hannah, my amazing MOH and sister, seems to think, and I think I agree.
This way, kids are happy because they got to hang out and eat pizza elsewhere, parents can have a “night-off” ish, and John and I can invite college friends who have been with us since fresh-y year.

Possible Centerpiece Idea – Hydrangea in MASON jars (get it?)

 

a tiny taste

Some taste-er shots from my latest GORGEOUS Bride, Mikel!

dress detail – lovely lovely lovely!

dress from behind…

the kiss! (I have to admit, its a favorite part!)

the lovely couple!

 

I would be the dork…

… who would fall in love with yet another photo editing software.

Yes, I know, I know, I KNOW what you are thinking.

“Alle, you already HAVE Adobe Creative Suite 3, complete with Dreamweaver, Photoshop, Illustrator, etc. What do you need a new editor for, when you have THOSE???”

Simple, really. Its an addiction.
In honor of my addiction, I present picnik edited photos.
by me.

They are just SO darn cute!

This next is my favorite attempt at the website thus far:

All of that aside now, update on me!

Clocking in over forty hours this week. Yikes.
Possibility for a part-time case management position – double yikes and MUCHO prayer.
And, finally, but certainly not least-ly, Sunday will be spent with my darling John, the amazing man to whom I am fianced. As of last night, we are planning on a day-date to Fayetteville – a far off city to which I have never been but am looking SO forward to.
Photos WILL be taken, and possibly edited, and definitely posted for all to see…

until then… tee-hee….

 

I don’t blog…

but I do take photos. And lots of them!

God’s been gracious in bringing weddings my way this year. Not just my own upcoming (next year, May, more on that when I get a breather!), but others. Lovely weddings, full of love.
The ones I love best are those in Him.

My latest weddings was especially lovely. The preacher brought it back to why Christian weddings are so special, why they are so lovely, because they “are the exact living allegory of our relationship with God.”
so true.
I don’t think it ever dawned on me how much I need God to satisfy me before I met John. This summer, that thought has been pounded into me daily, as John is away at HOH, counseling kids and saving lives. It sucks when he isn’t with me. And its harder when I can’t even hear his voice.
And so I’m slammed with how that is how I am to feel when I don’t have Jesus in my life, where He is supposed to be. And I’m humbled and brought low.
And still, I have to relearn it completely.

So, in honor of these new found learnings, and in anticipation, I give you… the most beautiful first kiss after marriage:

 

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